but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
