I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
