Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
