Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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