I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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