the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
