One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
