i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
