ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
