There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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