It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
