That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
