He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
