SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize