you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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