70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
