I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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