i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
