I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
