well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize