People in love make me want to vomit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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