it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can't special order awesome
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize