I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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