GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
