Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
