I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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