We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
