The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize