I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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