So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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