my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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