You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize