Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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