6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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