Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So much Jack, so little girl.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
