Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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