I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
