If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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