it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
