the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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