i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
