i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
