Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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