Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
