I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
