if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
