420 ftw
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
