So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
