It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
