btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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