I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize