he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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