if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
