I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
