I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
