I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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