My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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