Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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