I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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