My underwear smells like fireworks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i've created a new STD.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
