I'm jealous of your bromance
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
