I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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