about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
