look no pants
I can tuck mytits in my pants
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
